Show, Don't Tell

from Victoria Black


For any authors out there, you've all heard the mantra "Show, Don't Tell".

I bought a good little book from Amazon the other day for only 99 cents, called Show or Tell by James Thayer. It's only short, but there's quite a lot of good advice in it. Here's some things I found useful.


In it, he says that as authors, we need to present the evidence and let the reader draw his own conclusion.


Telling is a lecture e.g. Stacey was warm. Whereas showing would be: Stacey fanned herself with her hand.

Show characters' reactions, don't tell e.g. Tell - She looked concerned. Show - "What's wrong?"

The context will make your showing accurate. e.g. John smiled.

You can make a description show two things e.g. what he is wearing and that he is poor.

When describing a face, tell is okay e.g. She was lovely. But showing adds more e.g. Men turned to look at her.

It's not necessary to show all the time - when a lot of information must be conveyed quickly e.g. He had a gun in his holster, a knife strapped to his thigh and a grenade on his belt. Also, back story can be told, but keep it short.

The key to showing is the question - IS THERE EVIDENCE?

James Thayer said that a summary of Show, Don't Tell is:

His arm itched. But is there evidence? He scratched his arm.

Five Things to Look Out for When Self-Editing

Five Things to Look Out for When Self-Editing

You’ve written a wonderful novel, a compelling story that must be published. But the first step in getting anything published is to make it shine. This is where self-editing comes into play. The writing process is just that- a process- and editing is an important step. It’s where you can correct those simple mistakes that will lead a publishing house to accept or deny your story.

There are many things that you need to do to make your story better from commas to semi-colons. Capitalization, spelling and grammar are just small pieces of the puzzle. There are so many different things to good editing that we could spend all day talking about them or taking a class on them. Today I’m sharing with you just five simple things to look out for when you edit.

Spell Check is Not the Best Tool

Most of us rely on spell check when we are writing. It automatically corrects those spelling mistakes corrects punctuation for us. But spell check is often incorrect and does miss some very common errors. In fact, depending on your settings it may not even be checking the words in your document. Rather than rely on spell check, it’s best if you use a dictionary or thesaurus if you are unsure about a word.

With the advent of the auto-correct, I’m seeing more and more silly wordings in documents. The auto correct will anticipate what word you are trying to type and put it in the sentence, only for you to find that it called your mother a “gas” instead of a “guest”.  Turn off the auto-correct function. It will only lead to more silly mistakes then it corrects.

Read Your Manuscript Differently

One of the best things you can do is to change the format of your manuscript when you do a read through. By changing the formatting, your eyes will see the mistakes more easily. One author that I know prints off her pages and uses the dreaded little red pen to mark her mistakes. She’s found that a hard copy makes it easier for her. Other authors use their Kindle to read through their story to see how the reader will see it. This allows for you to notice any spacing issues as well.

Even reading your story aloud will make a huge difference. If you come to a part that you stumble with as you read aloud, your audience will as well. Often line editors will read the manuscript back from the end word for word to catch mistakes. Our eyes are trained to fill in those words that we know are supposed to be there. No matter which way you choose or which way works for you, you should make sure to read through your manuscript with a keen eye to help you find those mistakes.

Over Use of Words

We’ve all done it. We have some favorite phrase and use it too often. Just think back to the speaker who kept saying “like” during their speech. Remember how annoying it was? When we write, often it is a form of our own spoken language. Because of this, we tend to use words that we are comfortable with. These words can be used over and over again, making the story line appear comical.  Microsoft Word has a function that will help you find the words you use constantly. By clicking on the page number at the bottom of the document screen (page 1 of 1), a Go To dialog box will open. Click on Find and then type in a word such as “and”. The search function will tell you quickly how many “ands” were in your document as well as highlight each one.

Formal vs. Informal Language

Most of us understand that when we write a dissertation on a research subject, we must use formal language. That being said, I am horrible about slipping into a formal speech pattern when I write. See I did it there^. Contractions are an author’s best friend. It sounds more natural for your characters to use the contraction phrase of “I’m” rather than “I am”. By using the contractions for your characters’ speeches, your characters come alive to the reader. Readers are better able to connect with them and find them less pretentious.

Characterization Errors

When your story started, your heroine’s name was Syndie with an “S” but somewhere during the story line, the name changed to Cyndie with a “C”. The hero at the beginning of the story had deep blue eyes, but later on his eyes were chocolate brown. These are content errors. When writing a story, authors sometimes have to stop in the middle of the story and come back to writing another day. But when we come back to writing, things have changed in our minds. That’s why it is important to put these characterization pieces down in writing before you begin your story. It will help you keep things straight in your head.

But let’s say you’ve already written your story, how do you correct it or look for this? That’s simple, you can always create a characterization at any time. Write down the character’s gender, eye color, hair color and length, and as many details as you can about them from your read through. This will allow you to have a list. Then you can always refer back to your list as you read to see if there are any inconsistencies.

These are only five things that you should look out for when self-editing. There are so many more things that you can work to improve upon. I like to learn about one of my editing mistakes and keep a sticky note on my computer so that when I’m writing the next book, I can eliminate that mistake from my work. After all, if we don’t have time to do it write then we must have time to do it again. Those mistakes will always catch up to you in editing!

Happy Writing!

Persistence

Persistence-

Humans go blindly on faith into abysses all the time.  We hear about people who have stared caution in the eyes and decided that they could climb mountains or pursue their dreams. For me, being a published author was that leap of faith.

Growing up in the late 70’s, I enjoyed the sport of wrestling.  Strong legs and cunning could push a competitor out of the ring faster than anything could.  Being short was just another asset.  I had those three things in abundance and knew that wrestling was the sport for me, except for the small fact that I was a girl. Being the only girl on an all boy team was shocking. I was told that I couldn’t do it. I was told that I shouldn’t do it. Each time I heard that, it made me want it more. But when push came to shove (no pun intended) I couldn’t go through with it.  I lacked the persistence.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, to persist is to go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition, importunity, or warning.  As a pre-teen girl, it was more important for me to be liked by the boys (and not teased by the girls) rather than be seen as a competitor. That gender (Men) is still important to me today, but I’ve learned that there are some things that you can’t give up on, things you will fight for like your health or an education and things you will fight against like bullies or persecution. 

Being a writer isn’t an easy choice of a profession if you aren’t a persistent person.  Giving up will not sell your books or even get your books published.  As an author, you are told by a publisher that they either want or don’t want your story. Many publishers if they don’t want it, will at least be helpful and tell you what needs changing and give you a chance to resubmit. Even if your book makes it past the acquisitions desk, it has to go a few rounds with editing. Here you have to deal with someone who is only trying to polish your piece, but it sometimes feels like they are dissecting your heart. It is extremely hard to hear that you need to fix something that you worked on and poured your soul into. And if your manuscript makes it to becoming a book, you invite reviewers and readers to comment on it. That can feel like target practice and you are wearing the apple.

I liken being an author to being a presidential candidate. Some days you are on top of the polls and others, you are being run out of town for something you said.  If you want to see reviews of the candidates, watch the evening news or a few mud-slinging commercials.  Ouch! Just like candidates, authors must continue to “sell” themselves, their story, or even future projects after a bad review or modest sales.  Authors must continue to hone their craft to get better which requires us to continue to push forward in the face of opposition.

Let’s be honest here, if you want to be good at anything, you are going to need persistence. Michael Jordan didn’t win the NBA Championship because he shot one basket. No, he practiced and persisted when others told him that he couldn’t make it.  Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Steve Jobs…there are a million stories of being persistent in the face of failure, opposition or warning. I’m sure that if we spoke with any of those people, they would agree that persistence was a skill that was invaluable.

And who knows where I would be today if I hadn’t given up on that interest in wrestling, although I’m fairly sure that there are many more people happy about my romantic stories than about seeing me in one of those wrestling uniforms at my age.

What is one thing that you wished you hadn't given up on? How to do you persist when things are tough?

Hump Help Wednesday: Flash Fiction

Many people have been talking about FLASH FICTION...yet it was still a new concept to me up until four months ago. Now I can't wait to get my writing brain geared up for another flash fiction story.  But what is Flash Fiction??

Flash fiction is where you take a photo or idea and build a short story or scene around it. But your word limit is small so you have to choose just the right words to make the scene come alive. Speech tags aren't encouraged because they can eat up your word count. This activity is more fun when you have multiple people writing stories and sharing different perspectives of the picture or scene. 

Take this picture of a guy in the shower. What could you say about who he is and why he's in the shower? Is this a shower for pleasure or is he celebrating after killing his girlfriend? Remember that when you write flash fiction, tantalize the senses of your readers but make each word count.

Here's a sample:

John was sure he was in deep trouble. He didn't mean to do it. It just happened. Hopping into the shower he needed to scrub the memories from his skin. Using his girlfriend's strawberry bodywash brought her sweet scent to mind. 

How was he going to explain to Susan that he'd slept with her best friend, Jan?

Most flash fiction is around 300 words. See if you can write a short piece using only 300 words. It really tightens your writing and allows you to create some very exciting pieces. In fact three authors that I know have taken a flash fiction piece and turned it into an award winning novel. Enjoy!

Wednesday's Hump Day Help: Chloe Waits WIP

Chloe Waits' Work-in-Progress: Seducing Kayla

For this Wednesday, Chloe brings you her latest work-in-progress (WIP). Is it because Chloe is so excited she's jumping up and down about doing some writing? Yes. And because she's had no time to write an actual post? Right again! lol...

This is an excerpt from what is to be book two of The Maguire Boys: Boston's Finest series. ( I give a shout out to my friend and co-blog author Melissa Keir, and her Wilder Sister series, since my series has siblings too! ;).

If you guessed it from the name, the book series will feature three Irish brothers, all cops, each in their own story. All hot too. I just wanted to feature cops, because I like the idea of being serviced and protected, I mean served and protected, by sexy alpha males.

I used a real life model for my hero, my crush-du-jour, Sheamus, former heavyweight champion of the WWE. There are not enough red head heroes in romance, and I am creating one I don't think you'll forget. (Chloe waggling eyebrows naughtily.) He is Irish too by the way.

Let's look at his picture so you can picture him as you read....drool

This is Sheamus. Enough Said!

Do you have your own action figure? I didn't think so. Is it bad I notice this doll is packing a bulge the size of Ireland?

Now that we've looked at Sheamus, back to my story.
And please be kind, it is a WIP, meaning unpolished, unedited, and generally unfinished...:)

Blurb for Seducing Kayla

At twenty-four, Kayla O’Malley is big, beautiful and still a virgin. Her weight hang ups have closed the doors on any relationships growing up, but losing a few pounds has finally given her the confidence to date.

If she could only get rid of her pesky virginity first.

That’s where her best friend Sean Maguire comes in. Kayla makes a proposal he can’t refuse, but Sean has a few erotic rules of his own. Her seduction is a month long planned enterprise; one in which Sean aims for Kayla to see him in a whole new sexy light.

But will seducing Kayla take their friendship to a deeper level, or ruin it for good?

Excerpt

Kayla nestled in the crook of Sean’s shoulder as they sat together on his low slung couch, his large arm draped companionably around her shoulders. She had no idea what they were watching on television except that there were a lot of car chases, and Sean seemed totally engrossed in it. The smell of buttery popcorn taunted her from the big bowl cradled on his lap. As though sensing her stare, Sean held out the offending item to her with his eyes still glued to the set.

She sighed, shaking her head, then realized he wasn’t looking at her. “No, I am good.”

After struggling to lose twenty pounds, Kayla’s friend seemed determined to make her gain it back. Would he ever figure out at five foot two, she didn’t possess the stellar metabolism of a six foot four behemoth? Even with her recent weight loss, she was only down to a size sixteen. Still, it was a hard won victory worth celebrating.

Sean’s metabolism was something out of a fairytale although he probably didn’t think so. Up until the last few years, he’d been all gangly arms and legs, and with his stereotypically bright Irish red hair, pale skin, and freckles, he looked like a live version of the Howdy Doody doll.

Over the last few years he’d hit the gym like a mad man, and stayed out of the sun at all times, allowing his freckles to fade from looking like a swarm of angry brown ants, to the barest hint of spice. Muscles now sprouted all over. Sean was so big he made Kayla feel small, and that was no rare feat. She swore his thighs, roped with hard muscle, might be bigger than hers now at this point in time. He looked like a huge, sturdy farm boy, strong and built, and women were starting to take notice.

So perhaps they’d both had some transformation since high school; Kayla’s still needed some work.

And that’s where her dear friend Sean came in.

Kayla cleared her throat. “I was wondering if you could help me train. At the gym.”

Sean’s eyebrows shot up. “You? Why would you need to work out?”

Kayla mentally shook her head at his silliness, and pressed on. “I’ve been trying to get in shape Sean,” Kayla said patiently. “I need a little help. I have to lose some more weight.”

Sean’s ears turned pink at the tips. “I don’t know Kayla, I think you are great the way you are, you know.”

She smiled. “You’re a great friend to say that. But we both know that’s not the case.” Sean shook his head at her reply, running his fingers absently over his new goatee. The facial hair was another change for Sean, and one that suited him.

“Well, would you help me?”

“Sure, I guess.”

“You’re a good friend.”

Sean held her gaze a moment, then dropped his eyes. “Thanks.” He paused. “Was that all? Why do I feel like something else is going on? You’re uptight and jumpy. You’re not even watching the movie.”

“Well, I—” Kayla licked her lips, struggling with the words. “I’ve been trying to make some changes as you know—” she stopped, uncertain how to continue.

“Go on.”

“Um, some are harder than others. I’ve never really dated and stuff.”

“You want to go out on a date?” Sean straightened up, moving back to look at her

“Well yeah. But at twenty-four to be so inexperienced…it’s a big turn off to guys.”

He stared at her. “I think you’re wrong.”

“You’re so sweet Sean. I mean I’ve thought of going to clubs and stuff, but the thought of some creepy stranger for the first time…”

Sean stiffened, with a look of horror etched on his face.

“I guess this is something you could only ask a really good friend…” Kayla stumbled over her words. “I just don’t want my first time to be a bad one, you know some random guy, so, um, I was wondering if you could help me with that too?”

Sean sat up. “So, you’re a virgin…”

“Yes.”

He looked like he was processing something in his head. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, Kayla.”

“No, you’re right, at eighteen maybe. Not at twenty-four. It’s kind of freakish now. Like freak-show freakish.”

“So, you’re asking me to take your virginity?”

“Um, yeah. I can’t seem to give it away really so if you took it that’d be good.” Kayla tried to smile at her weak joke. “Like, I know we don’t see each other that way and stuff as friends, but it’d be a favor. We could just do it once and go back to being friends. It could stay in the vault. Just a little favor, between friends.” If she thought Sean’s ears were pink before, he was an all-over fiery red now, and he swallowed a few times convulsively. But his blue eyes dilated as he looked at her, almost like she’d offered him a really nice steak and he wasn’t sure if she was serious or not.

Her lips parted in surprise. He seemed a bit…turned on. Of course, it had nothing to do with her really. Offer a man sex and he might feel some interest, no matter who was doing the asking.

Or maybe, it was really just embarrassment.

“We have sex once and that’s it?”

“Uh, yeah. You know, still friends.” To underscore her point, she gave him a friendly punch on the bicep, and promptly broke her hand. Gosh, he is like a brick wall now…

“And you want it to be with me?” Sean kept looking down, and reading his thoughts proved impossible.

“Well, yes. I mean I don’t think you’d treat me badly or hurt me. I’d be safe with you.”

“I would never hurt you,” he agreed softly. The way he continued to regard her made her nervous.

“So, you’re good with this?” Kayla realized she was babbling now. She grabbed her purse, unzipped it and dug her hand in. She fished out some condoms. “I didn’t know if you had brand preferences, so I just bought several in case.”

Sean’s eyes widened. “Whoa, Kayla, wait.”

Kayla froze. He was rejecting her. Her hand trembled, making the condom wrappers crinkle together. He pulled the condoms gently out of her hand, and zipped them back up in her purse, throwing it on the table.

Her head bent, defeated. “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want it to be a stranger Sean.”

“I don’t either. I think that would be a big mistake to experience that with someone who doesn’t care about you. You just have to give me a minute here. We’ve gone from 0 to 100 in a few seconds. If it happens, it won’t be tonight.”

Sean gathered Kayla in his arms. His solid, familiar warmth soothed her. “I just need to think on this a bit.”

Kayla sighed. “Fair enough, I guess.”

 “I am going to meet you at the gym tomorrow at four o’clock. We’ll talk after, okay?” Sean kissed her forehead. “Now watch the movie.”

Kayla leaned back reluctantly as Sean settled her into his shoulder once more on the  couch, watching the screen once again...

Thanks for reading!

Toodles, Chloe Waits

PS: holding an informal poll. Should I leave my hero's name as Sean, or out and out identify my celebrity crush by literally naming the character...Sheamus. Or is that too shameless? Vote with a comment if you want, what name do you like better...

Disclaimer: I do not actually own Sheamus, except in my own pervy thoughts and unrequited dreams, and have no ownership over any photos of him. I have never masturbated holding his action figure, slept with said item under my pillow, or made his doll talk to me by mimicking a weird, disturbingly fake Irish accent. Copyright of photo to owner, and of Sheamus himself, to the wonderful heavenly being that created him.